25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. 26 And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
Ezekiel 36:25-26 (ESV)
A few years after my husband and I got married, we decided to take dancing lessons. It seemed very romantic and like it would be good exercise. Both of us were in good shape. He had played soccer in a recreational league during college, and I had done tons of aerobics. With my childhood ballet lessons and my Cuban blood, I thought this would be super easy.
Nope.
Honestly, it was a bit rough and probably the most intense marriage counseling we had ever been through.
The thing about dancing together is that the man leads and the woman follows. I’m not so good at the following part. I don’t follow instructions. I don’t follow tour guides. I don’t follow maps. I just don’t follow.
The second thing about dancing is that the woman can only follow well if she pushed back against the man. I don’t that too well either. Oh, I’m pig-headed, but in the passive sneaky sort of way. I’m rarely confident enough to really push for my opinion face to face unless I am really convinced I am right. Of course, that does happen quite a bit too, but randomly, not consistently. The pushing in dance has to be continual. My inconsistent tension lends itself well to stepping on toes, bumping into each other, and heated tempers.
This isn’t to say my husband was a flawless dancer either, but his flaws will be my secret.
So, in summary, when we practice our steps, we often needed our teacher to sort out the mess that arose. His role as referee and marriage counselor was well hidden in the terms of “strengthen your hold” or “no more spaghetti arms!” In other words, “stop blaming each other and fix yourself!”
The best dancers, both men and women, tend to have a rock-solid frame in which their torso, shoulders, and arms hardly budge. It is exhausting to practice leaning way back so that you are nearly falling over backwards and depending on your partner to counterbalance you by also leaning back. The center of gravity for a couple in hold is actually in between you. You can’t truly stand in that position by yourself. Your muscles really feel the dancing in your arms even more than in your legs. It feels like constant wrestling.
As marriage therapy, a couple soon learns how well… or not so well they work together as a team. It brings out foundational personality issues that are more hidden in day to day life. If a woman is used to leading or a man is passive, the dance is a mess because they don’t go anywhere or run into people. If the man is dominate and the woman is passive, he often steps all over her feet or bumps into her. The fact is both need to be strong and both need to be working towards the same purpose. No one can really dance ballroom well alone.
Of course, the dance instructor is somewhat an exception here. Our teacher had a way of dancing with the woman he taught so that he manhandled her across the floor in such a way that she looked somewhat like a decent dancer. He would push and pull so that you couldn’t help but step where you were supposed to. Even though he accomplished a good result, I couldn’t actually win a trophy being pushed across the floor. It turns out that a trophy ended up being our goal and the focus of our trial.
Our relationship with God is a lot like a dance, especially during difficult times. I am finding this time during the social distancing for Covid-19 difficult. It isn’t that I long for people. I miss people some, but being an introvert, I can deal with it pretty well. It isn’t because I am bored. I never run out of projects and currently, my husband and kids fill up 90% of my time. The thing I find difficult is the frustration at not have much control and not being able to plan even a few weeks ahead.
You see, both dancing and this virus has put pressure on me to see my flaws.
In this verse in Ezekiel, the people of Israel were in exile. If you read the entire chapter, you would see all the ways Israel tried to “fix” this before God. God saw past their fake fasts and their religious bandages. The trial was bring out their flaws. It was becoming obvious what was in their hearts.
I have noticed during this social distancing, that a lot of things are becoming clearer. I see who actually cares about my kids among the various professionals and who were only after a paycheck. I am seeing that perhaps all these therapies may not be necessary if other changes are made in our lives. I am seeing the truth about my oldest son’s stress level and academic issues. I am noticing my youngest son’s development. I am seeing that even though they both are a little stir-crazy, they are both doing better than they were before in so many ways. Most of all, I am seeing my own weaknesses and flaws. I am extremely aware of my need for control, my temper, my self-centeredness, my fears, and my excuses. The pressure and trial are making a lot of this obvious and that isn’t easy.
Still, there is a bright side to all of this humble pie. Just like in dancing, there is a prize in the end. Paul talks about running the race to win the prize. John talks about crowns and rewards in Revelation.
What theses verses in Ezekiel show us, though, is that God is there to fix our mistakes for us. He will clean our dirt and replace our hard hearts. We aren’t strong enough or wise enough to do it on our own. Just like my husband and I needed a teacher to help sort out our dancing mistakes.
So how does God do this? Through the trial itself. It becomes our refiner’s fire that burns away the chaff in our lives. It isn’t easy. In fact, it is horribly painful, but it is worth it. It’s the dance lesson and the marriage counseling.
So back to the ballroom dancing. We did actually compete in a dance competition.
Since my husband and I have very intense personalities, we were surprised to find that we both really really loved the tango. Ha! That isn’t a dance for passivity of any kind and even looks like a wrestling match on the dance floor! It wouldn’t have happened without the lessons and the trial.
My husband and I brought home a trophy each, but most of all, we have danced at parties, my brother’s wedding, his sister’s wedding, and just for fun. We are still very much amateurs, but humbling ourselves to each other was the only way to move forward.
Perhaps, this time of trial will teach you how to dance with God. He isn’t like our dancing instructor who will push you across the floor. He is more like the bridegroom who wants a bride to show off. Perhaps, like me, this time of social isolation and personal upheaval is your dance lessons in which flaws have come to light and things are being made clear. I encourage you to bring it all before God so that you can be perfected into a better dance partner for Christ. It’s worth it!
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